(Sorry about the weird spacing, I fixed it as much as I could.) “Pitter-Patter" Judgment must be a must All you ever hear is a crack of their whip Tears falling on the floor A pitter-patter of ____ “She musta’ got beat up" The silent, but noticeable comments You’d think they’d take just a second more before opening their mouth with words so soar But they don’t And with that huge roar, it’s causing tears to stream down my pretty young face as daddy says But I don’t believe it Me, pretty? And with that I feel the salty burn that judgment brings Scars on my face, THAT is what judgment leaves Pitter-Pitter I feel the stares I hear the laughs The comments of- “CRY, LITTLE GIRL, CRY!" Running to hug my stuffed animas isn’t enough to numb the pain anymore Tear soaked Teddy looks at me from the corner and says--- TEDDY: “you’re doing good kid” So I build myself back up to be torn down once more Pitter-Patter There must be a storm *! OF HATE- LIES- HURT- REGRET Pitter-Patter One drop. Two, Three, Four drop. Five and Six drop. A never ending storm Judgment must be a must TEDDY: “why don’t you smile?" ME: “If I smile I’ll be seen as a target” Depression is my safest bet The world is SO unfair that the HEAVENS are crying! What showers down is SHAME! Pitter-Patter A never ending storm THIS is a flood warning! We aren’t calmly floating down the Lazy River But we ARE fighting White Water Rapid! Getting beat up along the way Battered and beaten The Rapid waters are of: Allegro: THE STARES! THE LIES! THE COMMENTS! HURT! THE LAUGHS! SHAME! & REGRET! ME: So Teddy… What do you think? TEDDY: “You’re doing good. Keep that chin up and there will be smooth sailing; because with you… Judgment is NOT a must.” We handled the storm and overcame the Rapids The judgment has sunk And, no longer shall it be – a – must. ~Sarah Doreen Mendivil (Sorry about the weird spacing, I fixed it as much as I could.) |
"My Hero"
Tommy Lee Mendivil. The man who's made me smile and cry more than anyone my whole life. Life--- His life. He's the only person I know who would give this up WILLINGLY to save me. From Death, Heartbreak, Myself. My Hero. The one who would travel an hour plus time just to see me. To play Barbies, brush my hair, and stay by my side until I fell asleep. The man who would slip away so silently and suddenly. Little girl so sound asleep--- She wakes up to a Father in prison. Heartbroken child... Tommy Lee Mendivil; He was ment. T- to L- lead M- me ME- "How do you do that from a cell?" HIM- "You can't"... ME- "NO!!!! You CAN and You WILL" My Hero. My hero is free once more--- Now viewed as a villian by all but myself. And with a Hero's heart-of-gold, He goes back to being Daddy, Mama-Papa-Bear, and My Hero. UNTIL He slips away once more and goes back for a few more years. Well--- Little girl sound asleep after hours of crying, awoken, by a hero. MY HERO. DADDY... <3
~ SARAH DOREEN MENDIVIL Inspired by the show; AMERICAN HORROR STORY: ASYLUM
"Insanity Is Reality"
There is no cure like "SHOCK THERAPY!" You can't Beat the love for my partner Out Of Me! I'm NOT "insane". So Don't strap me down to a bed and have a man touch me. Just because you think that Rape will "cure" homosexuality. Insanity Is Reality! Look around this place. 1964 the date. Homosexuals are thrown in cages. Drugged up and treated like Animals! This- is real don't you know? Homosexuals can't have children of their own, without society thinking we look at little boys and girls as peices of meat! We aren't SICK IN THE HEAD! You fear for your children when we come around. As if you'll catch the "homo-disease". Please.... I know you're too closed minded and ignorant to Get It. So. Don't throw us in an asylum just because we found love in the same sex. But, instead celebrate with wedding bells. NOT death and cages. As we do for you, why can't you treat US the same way too? BOO-HOO you cry as we march by. YOU KNOW WE'RE STRONG! All you have is cages and hatred. Homophobia. A misunderstanding. That LOVE can be with Anyone. Not just the opposite. *Let love be love. *Let US be free. *Free to marry and start a family. We're still people no matter what we like! But... Insanity is Reality. We're ALL equals... Accept it or not. One day your kids will ask,"What did they ever do to you?" And your responce will be, "They were HOMOS!!!!" "Well mom..... Insanity MUST be Reality.... Because I'm a homo too." Will the cycle repeat? Well... We'll still stand strong!
~Sarah Doreen Mendivil |
POEM; Sarah Doreen Mendivil "Little Red" I am from Rialto, California. Little me hidden away in the huge state of Cali. November 23, 1996. 4:26AM. That's me. Sarah Doreen Mendivil. Born in San Bernardino, raised in Rialto. Discovering life as a child. Playing CandyLand and hide n' seek with my little cousin. Little red headed girl with dreams bigger than any mountain you'd see in the distance. I am from where the house always smelled so good. See, if it wasn't my Grandmother making her BBQ chicken, it was my aunt making her home made tamales, fresh salsa, and more. My Father's side Mexican, my Mother's side white. My Father and I have always been "two peas in a pod," He's my rock. Although he's very good at hide n' seek, in and out of jails and prisons most of my life. I'd have him for a year or so, then He'd go back into hiding. "1, 2, 3". I'd count, and ready or not I'd try to find him. JAIL... PRISON... Of course!... *sigh* A sad, confused little red headed girl... Not only red headed, but bleeding red. Bleeding out and sobbing. Crying out for my Daddy. Never was he my Father, always "daddy". I go through a very gray life, with very few times that I see the sun creeping out from the heavey fog and dark clouds that fill my soul... Those moments I miss. I wish and wish I could have brought light to the dark. I wish I could have brightened the contrast of my world. So I sit down reunited by a simple piece of paper. I am from where I no longer let the storm most commonly refered to as "DEPRESSION" control my life. So I stand here daddy, stronger than I've ever been to tell you that I love you, I forgive you. But you WILL NOT bring me down with you. I may be your little butterfly but the storm has passed, the the fog has lifted and the clouds have cleared. now I need to fly. As Little Red, Your Butterfly. NO, as me. Sarah Doreen Mendivil. ~Sarah Doreen Mendivil "FEBRUARY 14TH"
You say I can't rhyme but I might as well try. I hope so far, You've had a GREAT Valentines. With Love and Great ntentions from me to you. I conclude these rhymes for an hour or two. Now you may take my hand into yours, and off we will strole or sit here some more. Well as I said a few lines ago, have a Great Valentines, mine has been so. Splended and Great, You here with me. I'll always remember this Great February 14th. <3
~SARAH DOREEN MENDIVIL |
POEM; Sarah Doreen Mendivil
“Tribute Poem”
~Tami<3
Looking at her picture I think, “wow, she looks so much like my mother.”
She’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to one.
She knows how to comfort a person.
Through a phone call it feels as if she’s right there hugging you tight.
Never will she let go until everything is alright.
Light.
Hope.
The twinkle in her eye.
Her smile is worth more than a thousand words combined.
Day.
Night.
Day.
Night.
I can talk to her forever.
And she actually listens.
Her response is not “sorry” or “I wish I could help.”
But something more meaningful then a commonly used phrase or word to slip away from conflict.
She has an understanding of things like no other.
She works with troubled teens and insecure out-casts everyday.
***NOT YET FINISHED SO PLEASE DON'T ASK WHY IT SOUNDS LIKE IT ISN'T FINISHED, BECAUSE I'M STILL WORKING ON IT***
~FIRST FLAKE
I've been looking forward to this day for a long time. Now that it's aproching quickly. reality is hitting me. I'm realizing all the people I'm going to be leaving behind. These people are now my family and by the time the first flake falls, I will be gone... Visiting them isn't the same since I literally see them every day. She is worried about how I will handle it... but staying any longer will just make it hurt worse. She says to wait a little while longer, but I can't handle anymore pain. I cry, and I cry. But it won't change a thing. This is part of a grand plan... so, I will not say "no". I'll let life take control, and trust the plan. At least there are people there who care about me and want what's best for me. So here I sit waiting for that first flake and cherishing every moment I have left with my new fanily.
~Sarah Doreen Mendivil
"First Flake" |
Incomplete</3…
Incomplete, longing for my second half. Where could it be? The other part of me. Light. The darkness has spread across my chest as my heart is dying a slow, cold death. It gasps with emptiness and sorrow. My tears are not enough to fill it. Empty. Hollow… ... Incomplete. -Hannah Elizabeth Barton & -Sarah Doreen Mendivil
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Poem; ~Sarah Doreen Mendivil
No Title… Moving on isn’t fun, moving on isn’t easy. But what we don’t know is that we move on to a new adventure daily. I hate leaving people I love behind, but new people come into my life. Then sooner or later you have to leave them behind, and the adventure starts back over. Every day we face challenges, but this is one of the biggest. You’ve got death, heart break, and many more. But as we go on and we move on it makes us stronger. Tears are shed, and there are thoughts running through our heads, like “are we ever going to see each other again?” But we all know that things happen and things happen for the better. So now they’re all gone. And I’m sitting here alone. And the days feel so long. And one day I hope to reunite with the ones I once loved. ~Sarah Doreen Mendivil
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POEM; ~Sarah Doreen Mendivil ~Love<3 Love is crazy, love is stupid, love is kind, and love is cruel. We run around trying to find it. Some people eventually give up on trying to find love. Never give up and don't try to find love, it will find you, love is true, it will never lose you. Love is amazing, but it could also hurt you. Temporary love can make you blind and deaf. Blind... You can't see that you're not truly in-love but you're trying so desperately to be. You don't see that your true-love is sitting right next to you. Deaf... You can't hear the one you call your "best friend" telling you she loves you. She's pouring her heart out to you, and you don't hear. Perhaps you're ignoring it. Love is insane. Constant turns and changes. You never know where love will take you. Love is hard to define, but once you feel it you will know what love truly is. How it feels. Love is never ending. Love is a very beautiful thing. Once you've found someone you truly love and they also love you. You start to notice that your days feel brighter, you wake up happier, and you feel great. One day soon you will find love and you will feel it too. ~Sarah Doreen Mendivil | "Label"
Label me? NO! I am not your cheap T-shirt from, Wal-Mart. Or your cheap shoes from, Kmart. Or even your cheap bag from, Payless.! I am Priceless. I'm Real, I'm Me. I can stand up straight and tall as a young woman 5'8 1/2 size 8 LGBT Irish with a dash of Latina; and say, "I Love Me!" Label me as: --> *FAKE--- *FAT--- *GAY--- *STUPID- or- *NO GOOD. I know who I am, and your opinion effects me NONE. I am a butterfly. Maybe not so social, but I can sure fly high. When I spread my wings, All I get are stares. My beautiful colors are breath taking, RAINBOW, but purple shines through the most. and oh, the padderns and prints of my personality. Animal print, ZEBRA. I'm cute and ocasionally SASSY. You can't label me. SO, do you remember when you got your wings? have you colors changed? have you labeled yourdelf? bairly, yes, and yes. Labels are the death of most of us. So many butterflies have come and gone. Nothing lasts forever but you should be true to yourself forever and for always. Never be scared to embrace your colors. spread your wings and love yourself. All of our colors are beautiful. Let them shine. Be A Butterfly. Throw the labels away. WE CANNOT BE BE LABELED!
~SARAH DOREEN MENDIVIL |
